According to leaked info from a source MiC can identify only as Deep Goat, clandestine pre-production is currently underway on what promises to be the most erudite reality series ever.

Set in a minimum-security slammer in an unnamed US city, spirited hijinks ensue when a bloviating ex-mogul arrives to begin serving a lengthy sentence. At first appalled only by ill-tailored jumpsuits, punitive puce décor, 10-thread-count bedding and substandard foie gras, he soon recognizes something even worse: the abysmal dearth of decent conversation.

In each of the following episodes, Lord Fish – a mocking soubriquet bestowed by at-first-unappreciative inmates – attempts to elevate the tone of the jabber that so offends his elegant ears. But results are infelicitous when he keeps interrupting conversations to suggest crisper adverbs, more precise syntax, the eschewing of double negatives and dogged dedication to le mot juste.

So, in subsequent episodes – sporting the occasional black eye or arm sling, but pluckily offsetting the insalubrious effect by donning a jaunty top hat – he conducts elocution lessons. Beginning each session with an affable ‘Call me Con,’ L.F. sparks lively competition with challenges such as accurately defining seven-syllable nouns, correctly conjugating variations on Chaucerian bon mots and identifying incarceration allusions in the latter works of Oscar Wilde.

Deep Goat tells MiC it’s still unclear which network will emerge victorious from a cutthroat bidding war for the series. What is known is that the premiere date next year will be April 1 and the series is titled Prison Black.